New Rule: Skates required

So, I was just re-reading my okc notes today. As I was laughing out loud at some of the shit I had written over the past year, I thought to myself, I should really start doing those again. They really are funny. I see why people get such a kick out of them. So, this afternoon when I should really be grocery shopping or doing other productive shit, I'm on okc and lo and behold I'm asked out on a date. . .

DUMMY: Would you like to grab a drink or bite to eat?

ME: hi. not really. sorry

DUMMY: Not today? Or not in general?

ME: um, not today. maybe, not in general. . idk

DUMMY: Hmmm. I don't think of you as the ambivalent type. What are you concerns about meeting me?

ME: your age (he's 40)

DUMMY: I have read your OKCUpid Match questions, and we seem surprisingly compatible. Is your fear that I will look old or act old and have nothing in common?

ME: umm, maybe a combination of all three? lol i remember thinking you seem really nice and cool, but the age thing might be a sticking point as far as a romantic relationship goes. i'd be happy to meet for something chill and informal and see where it goes. i just dont wanna mislead anyone

DUMMY: I am definitely game for that. And perhaps it is worth mentioning that I will probably be relocating to Denver later this year. So I am not looking for anything long-term.

ME: that's cool. not worried about that

DUMMY: Something casual and fun. Not deeply romantic.

ME: not exactly trying to be anyones fuck buddy either. .

DUMMY: With the understanding that you do not want to mislead me, and that you are concerned that my age is a sticking point because eI may look too or act too old or have nothing in common with you, and that you are not looking to be anyone's fuck buddy... I am still interest din meeting you. I like the atheist thing a lot, and that you are ballsy enough to have posted the "Freethinking Skeptical Atheist Bitch" picture, even if you did later take it down.

ME: deal. under one condition. we go roller skating.

DUMMY: And I love your lips. Those big, soft, moist, ultra-kissable lips. Or, at least, the look that way.

ME: lol

DUMMY: Roller skating? Really? I have not been in years. Where do you go?

ME: i never go! that's the problem!

DUMMY: I also live in OP. Is there a rolle drink anywhere around us?

ME: yes!

Long story short, I have this voice mail message on my phone when I get home:

Hey, Sarah. Listen, I just wanted to clarify. I feel a little bad. I feel like maybe we had a little miscommunication. And, while, I did sort of misunderstand you when you kind of said you weren't looking to be anybody's fuck buddy, I was being sincere when I said that even if I had not misunderstood that statement I still would have asked you out.

I still, as I say, was sort of impressed with the whole "FreeThinking Skeptical Atheist Bitch" thing and, uh, I was so curious to meet you in person, I would have asked you out, uh, anyway.

I find sometimes, and I think you should know, one thing that might be different or differentiates you from other women is perhaps you're a better communicator, and good at communicaing, at saying what you mean and meaning what you say. And, the truth is that most women don't. It's normal. When women generally say, "Oh, I'm not, you know, interested in that sort of thing or looking." In general women, I just think have been conditioned or socialized to be kind of standoffish in matters of sex. And I find sometimes, that the most, you know, approach, is just to be direct and open and honest. Not try and be sneaky or anything. So, I just sort of take things like that with a grain of salt. Um, I just sort of have come over the years to just sort of expect women to say, "Oh, I don't do that sort of thing. I don't like that." And, anyrate. And I didn't really know you really well enough. Maybe I kind of read what I wanted to read into that statement and interpreted it that way.

Anyway. I didn't wand you to take offense at it. I wouldn't have asked you out to the movie if I hadn't thought you were a genuinely interesting person. And, uh, I like that you have a sharp mind. And, uh, so I certainly, uh, understand your position now. And I won't hit you up again for the whole sex thing. Even though I think it would be fun. Um, but, I didn't want you to take any offense. I don't like to offend good people. People that I think are nice. I certainly don't set out to offend those kinds of people. And, uh, I think you fall into that category.

So, if you feel like I had been dismissive or ignored what you said. Or, uh, you know, all I cared about was getting into your pants then I apologize if there was a misunderstanding there.

It just fell into the case that I was interested in getting to know you at personal level and a sexual level, both. So, anyrate, no loss. It was still a lot of fun. I still enjoyed the movie and hadn't roller skating in years. So, it was a good time. I hope you have a good night. Talk to you later. Bye bye.

New Rule: All first dates must begin at a skating rink. The thrill of seeing a grown ass man teeter around on roller skates makes the whole ordeal worth while. If I'm going to have to go through the pain and agony of these dates, the least the other person can do is suffer through an equally distressing experience. Watching someone awkwardly pedal around, trying not to smash into small children, seems about fitting. The other advantage is the mobility of roller skates. It really makes the other person have to work to hold a conversation. If they are unwilling to put in the effort, well, at least I'm roller skating. Not sitting miserably across a silent table. So, from now on, you wanna meet me? Get your ass on skates.